“As
Father had taught him, he did not believe the first explanation his
mind leapt to. ‘It will often be right, and as you get more
experience of life is will usually be right. But it will never be
reliably right, and you must always think of other possible
explanations or, if you can’t, then at least keep your mind open so
you will recognize a better explanation if one emerges.’”
How to Think
There
are several things I like about his little passage. First, the fact
that the father is doing the teaching is important. If you’ve read
the book that this quote came from you’ll know that there is a
further twist on this. But one important thing fathers can teach
young people is how to think.
How
to think! That’s really the main purpose of schooling, anyway.
Unfortunately, this is too often forgotten.
The
best way to teach someone how to think is naturally, while reading a
book together aloud as a family, or while working on a project in the
yard, garage, or kitchen. There are so many opportunities for
something like this to come up—if you’re thinking in terms of
teaching and mentoring.
Show, Then Tell
This
level of lesson (to analyze your own thoughts, and learn how to
think) is best taught to youth over 12 years old, during Scholar
Phase, especially after you have been discussing books with the child
for several years. After showing them how to think about what they
read, not just accepting their first thoughts but really considering
various options, it’s easy for them to grasp the same idea when you
tell them.
Show,
then tell. This is a most powerful pattern for mentoring.
Here’s
how it works. You’re reading a book aloud together as a family, say
Little Britches by Ralph Moody. You come to a part where Mother wants
young Ralph to be punished for getting into a fight, but his Dad is
actually proud of him for standing up for the right.
You
stop reading, and ask the family, “Why does Ralph’s Mother think
he did something wrong?” You let each person share his or her
thoughts. Then you ask, “But why is Father proud of Ralph?”
Again,
everyone gets to share. Then you continue your gentle questions, not
truly “Socratic” in the modern definition, because Socrates
actually had a hidden agenda and asked the specific questions that
took his listeners in the direction he wanted.
Instead,
you ask questions more like Mr. Stanton in Laddie or Charles Ingalls
in The Little House in the Big Woods: because you are genuinely
interested in the answers, because you really want to know what your
youth is thinking, and because you really want to help the youngster
you are teaching.
You
continue your questioning: “Who do you agree with more, Mother or
Father?” Let everyone discuss. Then, “Is it possible that both of
them are right, in some way?” Discuss. “Okay, those who think
Father is right and Mother is wrong, switch sides. How might Mother
be right?” Discuss.
“How
might Father be right, for those of you who said he was wrong?”
Discuss. “Different topic: what might be different if Mother and
Father had talked about this in front of the kids, or in private
together before announcing their decision to the kids?” Discuss.
And
on it goes. Just make sure it stays fun. If it stops being fun, you
have an easy solution. Simply turn back to the book and start reading
again. This kind of questioning creates conversation. It creates
connections. It creates bonding in your family. Above all, it creates
thinking.
Guide, not Boss
This
process teaches young people, and old people for that matter, how to
think. Frankly, this can be a very hard thing to teach—but this
method makes it simple. Using this kind of reading aloud and
discussion, it’s easy. And fun.
One
more thing: Don’t share your personal opinion on each question
until everyone else has had a chance to fully share. Nor do you need
to share your opinion on every question. Let them discuss. Be the
guide, not the boss.
But
do share your opinion, sometimes. This makes you a leader. Once in a
while during the discussion, say what you think, and explain why you
think it. Then, and this is the most important thing of all, tell the
family that this is just your current understanding, that you hope to
develop it and possibly change it – in some ways, or even
completely – as you keep thinking about it and hearing different
views and learning more. Communicate in word and attitude that they
are welcome to have different perspectives—because that helps us
all learn how to think.
“We’re
all trying to learn,” you say. “The key is to really think things
through and feel things out, not just automatically accept everything
a book or person says.”
Repeat
this kind of conversation over and over—each time you come upon
something interesting in the reading.
Practice
this, and you’ll get better. So will everyone in your family. Just
don’t turn discussions into arguments or power struggles—that
isn’t fun for most people. Again, if it ever stops being fun, you
have an easy solution—say, “Okay, let’s keep reading. I can’t
wait to find out what’s happening next…” Then read in the book.
Never end the session with an argument. Instead, read more aloud.
Kinda-Socratic Method
This
kind of leadership, what we might call the Kinda-Socratic-Method, or
the Caring-Socratic-Method (actually, Socrates does care, he just
seems to care a lot more about the ideas than the people—and that’s
not our goal), is incredibly helpful in family learning—especially
during Scholar Phase. And it’s far more effective for Scholar Phase
students if they’ve been doing it for years in Core and Love of
Learning phases.
Remember:
While you read aloud with the family, stop and discuss. Question,
talk, share different views, and then keep reading…
Teach
them how to think, not what to think. This is great education.
Mentor Challenge:
This
week, as you read with your family, ask a few open-ended questions
about topics that are relevant to relationships, current events,
personal challenges, or the like. Show restraint in really listening,
and allowing them to discuss, without taking charge too much. Share
your feelings in a humble and supportive way. Repeat.
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